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Start chatting with single women who are already your friends, then think about people whom you've met that you'd like to be friends with.

A friend of a friend on Facebook who started messaging me because she liked my posts, an old high school crush, a friend of a friend on Facebook who started messaging me because she liked my posts, and my college girlfriend.

It's perfect for safe flirting and you can do it from anywhere, even work, saving both time and money. Instagram has introduced me to two women that I'd never met before they started following and then messaging me.

Don't lock your Facebook profile down so tight that people can't see what you're up to, and there's really no reason for adults not to have a public Instagram profile.

Snapchat is a great social app for chatting and flirting with people you already know, but because of its design, it's not great for meeting new people.

I found this out the hard way:. But the second she discovered how old I was? It was like flipping a switch…. All that attraction? So I did a little research… and I found this video….

So what's their secret? The data suggests it's about somehow showing that you're interested, but not in her. So you've tried it the pick-up artist way, but quickly found that sitting in the corner acting like you don't like women failed to score you any tail.

And you peacocked it out with that feather boa and everything! But you have a trick up your sleeve: Your sextastic dance moves. After all, dudes have been getting girls this way for thousands of years!

Come on, Rightie When you finally get drunk enough to hit the dance floor, in your mind, you're Fred Astaire-ing the shit out of the place.

Unfortunately, what you're actually doing is some bizarre alt-new wave version of the robot that has every girl in the room pointing and staring open-mouthed.

And not in a good way. But it's OK, because deep in your heart you know one day a girl, hopefully one who looks kind of like Zooey Deschanel, will realize your dancing just means you're a quirky free spirit and she'll have quirky, free spirited sex with you.

Dancing is a high-risk venture. Yes, there's a reason why dance clubs are usually just an orgy waiting to happen. But if you dance badly , you'd have been better off staying far away.

Scientists say if you suck at dancing, it signals to women that you're a bad mating partner. It's a subconscious sign that your testosterone levels are lower than average, which means you're not up to a lady's baby-making standards.

And your awkward moves on the dance floor may have evolved as a neon flashing sign to warn women to steer clear of you and your inferior DNA.

Not evolutionarily fit. This effect only increases as you get older. The awkward "dad dancing" you've seen at every wedding you've ever been to and during that season that Taylor Hicks won American Idol?

Those guys were probably John Travolta clones in the 70s and moonwalking in the 80s. But now that they're past their prime sexually, they can't even do the electric slide without it turning into a raucous display of awkwardness and sprained ankles.

Seriously, it's not a risk worth taking. Before you bust out the moves this weekend, get yourself to a fertility clinic. Or go where everybody is too drugged up to care.

You've got it this time. After a night of chatting up ladies, acting disinterested and dancing like a seizure victim, a gorgeous woman for some reason comes up to talk to you.

Amazingly, you're holding it together and all signs are pointing to the two of you bumping uglies at the end of the night.

In an effort to seal the deal, you compliment her on how attractive she is. Moments later, she's scurrying off with the drink you bought her to rejoin her friends and make jokes at the expense of you and your Ed Hardy T-shirt.

The Cracked office dress code. Shockingly, women really do want you to care about more than their great tits. In a study by one of the leading dating sites on the Web, they found that telling a woman she was attractive actually made her more likely to reject you.

Also making her more likely to reject you: that collection of Pokemon cards you refuse to dispose of because "they'll make you rich someday.

Words like "sexy," "beautiful" and "hot" made a woman much less likely than average to respond to your initial overtures.

Meanwhile attempting to show interest in her by mentioning some of her pastimes, favorite things, etc. Keep that in mind if you ever get the chance to chat up Megan Fox.

Don't tell her she's gorgeous. Talk about all the other things you know she's into like bad acting, terrible tattoos and not wearing a lot of clothes.

She'll be yours in no time. Don't forget, "being shinier than a G. What more can women want from you? You feign interest in attending their Real Housewives of Orange County viewing parties, listen to their drama with their asshole ex-boyfriend, help get them home free of the risk of date rape when they're really drunk--you even stop by with painkillers to help with their hangover the next morning.

There is literally nothing you could do to be nicer to them and yet you're still just a friend, a "great guy," and therefore completely rejected. We really hate to say it but women are scientifically proven to like "bad boys.

Since people like this are assholes, science dictates that they should have been bred out of the gene pool a long time ago.

Of course, they weren't. And it's because the ladies love bad boys. Scientists found that the higher a man scored on the "dark triad" seriously, that name is the shit scale the more sex partners he had had and the more likely he was to be looking for short flings.

Assholes have all the fun. Basically, while they won't make great long term partners, for thousands of years women have been engaging in one night stands with "bad boys," getting knocked up and prolonging not only the suffering of man but also the use of Axe Body Spray.

You hear that ladies? The self-centered, destructive jerks of the world are all your fault. Try using some self control once in a while.

Or, at the very least, a condom. So far, nothing has worked, and that girl you've been putting the moves on up and started dating someone who can only be described as " Jersey Shore -like.

One of those things where everyone has to wear a geeky little name tag and guys try to look successful but laid back by wearing both a tie and jeans.

Good luck, shit-eyes. Everyone here is looking for a date. There is no way you can strike out. Yet every woman you approach smiles, then glances at your name tag and suddenly turns away.

You haven't even said anything yet! You can blame your parents for this one. Apparently, your first name can drastically influence how successful you are and, yes, even how attractive people consider you.

According to a study of 6, people, men named Michael, James and David are the clear winners, with all three placing in the top ten for Most Successful, Luckiest, and yes, Most Attractive names.

George and Paul on the other hand? Well, just resign yourselves to a life of minimum wage jobs, accidents and loneliness unless you're a Beatle, apparently.

Your best bet is to go for women named Anne, who suffer from the same horrible affliction as you: uglynameitis. These scientists are totally serious.

One even wrote a book that includes a section helping you change your name as an adult in order to reverse all the misfortune your parents unknowingly saddled you with.

So to all the Georges out there, simply start answering to Ryan and the ladies will come flocking. It's true.

Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked?

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All that attraction? So I did a little research… and I found this video…. So what's their secret? But before I show you exactly how to get sex with a younger woman, I want to introduce myself.

I can't overemphasize the importance of interacting on social media. The first four women I slept with after my divorce were, in order: A friend of a friend on Facebook who started messaging me because she liked my posts, an old high school crush, a friend of a friend on Facebook who started messaging me because she liked my posts, and my college girlfriend.

Facebook delivered four women into my lap literally in four months. You cannot ignore the usefulness of social media in today's digital age.

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Now, I should note that when I tell you I'm fat, I really mean it. I'm not just slightly chubby and complaining about those last 15 pounds. I'm rather short and weigh almost precisely lbs.

I wear size 28 clothing. Unless you think such things are mutually exclusive, I would describe myself as reasonably pretty, in a natural, low-maintenance, naughty librarian kind of way.

I am fiercely intelligent, deeply hilarious, casually stylish, utterly unselfconscious and really, genuinely nice. I am also an absolute riot in the sack.

And I've been getting laid like crazy. I am certainly not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm not at all offended by that fact.

I respect that attraction is a personal thing and that lots of guys just aren't into what I have to offer. That's ok with me, as long as they're not dicks about it.

I have my own tastes and preferences as well, so I'm certainly not going to begrudge anyone else theirs. If you have a mullet or a moustache or you don't know how to use there, their and they're correctly, I'm probably not going to be attracted to you.

And I'm allowed to feel that way, just as you are allowed to feel any way you wish about me. But don't do as one man did and send me a message out of the blue on Plenty of Fish to tell me that my mere presence there is disgusting and that I shouldn't subject "normal" people to the affront of having to see my picture on that site.

You go have your fun and let me have mine. During the course of this year, I have had a lot of sex with a lot of different partners.

And I'm not the least bit apologetic about that fact. Everyone involved has been a consenting adult, communication about expectations and boundaries was clear, and safeguarding my sexual health is always at the forefront of my mind.

So why not? Some have developed into lovely ongoing sexual friendships, and some were deliciously filthy little adventures where we never laid eyes on one another again after we parted ways.

All were honest expressions of my current sexuality. One type that I have learned to pretty quickly recognize is the bucket-list guy.

And while it sort of grosses us out to think of wrinkly boners and gray pubes, we still take a little comfort in the fact that we have some action to look forward to, and that our libidos won't droop, even though our boobies will.

Actually, what researchers discovered is that what kept seniors from having sex was not a lack of sexual desire, but a lack of a partner. But in fact, even that didn't matter to many of them.

About half of the men and a quarter of the women said they masturbated, regardless of whether they had a sexual partner. My great grandmother was getting it on until a few months before she died.

She had a boyfriend who was fifteen years younger and she lied to him about her age. One night I called her from college —she was my favorite relative — and she said her boyfriend had spent the night but didn't want to stay the next night.

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